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Post By Dancer, with grown-up readers only warning just in case, because who knows how this date might go?? Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:00:18 pm EST |
Subject When Kerry Met Danny - a tie-in follow-up epilogue thingie Originally #250: Untold Tales of the Junior Lair Legion: So You Say You Want a Graduation? or School’s Out For Summer |
In Reply To The Hooded Hood celebrates 250 issues of Untold Tales with the longest chapter to date. The epilogue is the length of a normal chapter. Sorry. Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 05:42:22 pm EST |
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| When Kerry Met Danny “Okay, Fakesville, I have a question.” Visionary looked up from reading through the dossiers that Lisa had dumped on his desk. It looked like he was getting a new crop of Juniors whether he wanted them or not. It was just taking longer than he expected to pick them out. “Does this question involve my willingness to buy you military grade supplies or equipment?” Vizh asked his adoptive little sister and legal ward cautiously. “Not on this occasion. Although I think you are being pretty unreasonable with a blanket no-rocket-fuel-in-the-house policy, and we should discuss that later.” Vizh closed the file. “Then what?” “It’s a question about honesty, and doing the right thing.” “What did you blow up?” “Nothing. Well, nothing you’re immediately going to hear about,” Kerry Shepherdson assured him. “And if you hear any untrue rumours about an explosion at the bike sheds at that doofus Hogan Academy you enrolled me in I was studying in the library at the time. No, this is more an issue of keeping a person’s word. Do you think that people should always keep their promises?” “Is this about the time you and H9 slipped PCP into my donut and asked me to buy you a combat tank?” “No. It’s just a question. A serious question. I’m asking you as my mentor.” Visionary looked at Kerry very suspiciously. “I’m your mentor now?” “It’s just a question. If you don’t want to answer, forget it.” “It’s not that I don’t want to answer. I just… well, okay, yes, everybody should keep their promises. Our word is our bond. But I’d need to know more specifically what…” “Bah, that’s okay. I was just interested in the principle,” Kerry assured the worried-looking man in the green sweater with the yellow diamond on it. “Thanks for clearing that up.” “You’re welcome. Now what…?” The teenager pushed a pen and piece of paper across the desk to Visionary. “Now if you could just kind of write that down, and sign and date it, to help me remember…” “Well we have a problem then, don’t we,” Danny Lyle asked, pressed up as he was against the alley wall with his feet hanging twelve inches off the ground. “You see, if I was the kind of guy who folded because he was threatened, then I wouldn’t be the kind of guy who you’d think was fit to date Kerry Shepherdson, right?” “Right,” agreed Harlagaz Donarson, six foot four of heaving Ausgardian muscle. “She doth not deserve to be courted by any craven coward.” “On the other hand,” went on Danny, “If I don’t fold and stop chasing Kerry then you have to beat me to a pulp. And that would kind of ruin the date for both of us. Me and Kerry, I mean. We’re not planning on taking you along.” “Right,” agreed Harlagaz again. He was beginning to frown as he realised where this conversation was going. “You think maybe you could clutch me directly by the throat?” Danny asked. “You’re gonna crumple the leather jacket.” The Ausgardian reluctantly lowered Danny to the floor. “Tis most unfair to use logic on me.” “I’m just impressed that I don’t need to change my pants,” admitted Danny. “It’s great that Kerry has such faithful friends though. Pretty cool.” “If thou hurteth her in any way whatsoever, I will hunt ye to the ends of the universe and wreak such revenge that it will become legendary through the ages,” Harlagaz warned the young man. “Just saying.” “No promises,” Danny told him. He flinched back as the fist came up again. “You wouldn’t want Kerry to date a craven liar either, right? I just mean that with relationships there’s no guarantees. You have to take risks or there’s no rewards. You have to expose your heart, and there’s always a danger in doing that.” Harlagaz considered this. “Tis true,” he sighed. “Yet still musteth I tell ye that I will smite ye to the uppermost if ye betrayest Kerry or do her wrong. She is like unto being mine sister, and I wilt not see her harmed.” “I get the idea,” Danny agreed, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “I got it when Ham-Boy and Hacker Nine and Glory each came to see me too.” Kerry balanced the little white tablet on her fingertip, looked at it closely, then put it on her tongue and swallowed. “There,” she said, with determination. “I’ve done it.” “Well done,” Samantha Bonnington told her, “But just because you’re on the pill now doesn’t mean you have to… you know.” Kerry cast her fried a defiant look. “I promised,” she answered. “I told you.” “You told Danny Lyle, a supervillain from our rivals Young Heckfire, that if he’d help you save us in that contest on Monster Isle than you’d go on an anything-goes date with him,” Fashion Accessory summarised. “So what? I make promises to guys all the time and don’t keep them. It’s part of being a girl.” “He’s not with Young Heckfire any more. He quit.” “About the same time as Drugo Lodestone was found unaccountably dead without a mark on him in his hotel room, just after he’d threatened to do very bad things to you,” FA said. “There was no proof that Danny did that.” “With his power to deny things there wouldn’t be, would there? Lindy Wilson said she was warned that Denial was bad news. And this was by the other kids in Young Heckfire, by the way.” Kerry shrugged. “Is it wrong to be glad that Drugo’s dead, FA? I mean, he scared me. He was going to use that creepy sweat power of his on me again, to make me completely sex-mad for him, like he did before.” “The time that Danny saved you and took you home with him instead.” “And didn’t take advantage,” Kerry reminded Samantha. “Even though I was out of my head sex-crazy, tossing my clothes at him and begging him to take me. How many guys are there like that?” “Are we talking the decent honest ones or the ones that are smart enough to know that if they hold back they’ll get what they want another way?” Kerry threw a pillow at her friend. “I made a deal. It was a serious deal. We both meant it. He turned his back on his team, he helped me save you all. He even battled Godzilla on my say so. He kept his part of the bargain.” “I still say that doesn’t mean you have to give yourself to him like this, Kare. This isn’t like, what, the fifteenth century or something. He didn’t save you from a dragon. Your deal’s not legally enforceable.” “It was a deal, Samantha. And I’m going to honour it.” Fashion Accessory looked across at Kerry’s careful preparations, the carefully-chosen underwear, the stockings, the rare application of make-up. “You know, you only get your first time once,” FA warned. “I wish someone had told me that. I know you’ve got close with some guys but…” “I made a deal,” answered Kerry. “I promised myself to Danny.” Sarah Shepherdson noticed the teenager in the James Dean t-shirt and black leather jacket as he slouched self-consciously into the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar. “Danny Lyle,” she guessed. “Good guess,” he agreed. He had a matchstick in the corner of his mouth. He was trying too hard. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” the waitress said, pulling him a coffee. “Black, no sugar, am I right?” “Right.” She waited until the teenager was sipping his drink before asking “You ever tried it with whipped cream?” “What?” Danny choked. “Your coffee,” Sarah explained. “It just occurred to me that the black coffee might be part of the image, like the old jeans and the jacket. And maybe you’d really like a decaf grande half-soy, half low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with three brown sugars, but you’re worried it might spoil the illusion.” Danny glanced down at his coffee-stained shirt. “It didn’t splash,” he said, and suddenly his clothing was clean again. “What illusion?” Sarah smiled at him. “Nobody is cool all the time,” she confided. “Except maybe Sean Connery and Humphrey Bogart. And maybe Bruce Wayne, with the right writer. But I’ll let you into a secret.” Danny found himself leaning in to hear. “What?” “You don’t have to be cool all the time. And especially if you want to date my little sister. You have to be willing to be uncool sometimes. Cool only gets you so far.” Danny shook his head. “I have no idea why I even came in to see you. Except you’re the only person in Kerry’s life who hasn’t threatened me yet, so I thought you’d better have your chance too.” Sarah snorted. “I’m the last person to be lecturing my sister on picking good boyfriends. But I admit you worry me.” “Because I drink black coffee?” “Because you’re the kind of boy who used to break my heart, and you’ll grow up to be the kind of man who still breaks it. And I don’t want Kerry to become me. So…” “So I need to back off from Kerry? I’m not good enough for her?” “So you need to shape up. Stop being that kind of boy. Become something better. Become something that’s less cool but more worthy. Surprise us all.” Danny Lyle looked at Sarah, seeing her for the first time. “Does it run in your family?” he asked. “What?” “That ability to suddenly stun people, to strip away the wrapping and turn people round like they never thought possible and to make them look at themselves and want to be somebody new?” Sarah looked at Danny now. “Is that what happens when you’re with Kerry?” “Every damn time,” Danny gulped. “Then you may go out with my sister.” “Then I will have a laté please. “I thought at first about King Kong,” said Danny, “but I thought after Monster Isle…” “Yeah. Flashbacks,” agreed Kerry. “Hostel?” “I’d want to kill the backpackers myself, the prats.” “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?” “Did that one at Christmas. Don’t ask.” “Fun With Dick and Jane?” “Only if we can hunt down Jim Carrey afterwards.” Danny considered this. “Memoirs of a Geisha?” “Chick flick.” “Brokeback Mountain?” “Issues flick.” Danny scratched his head. “Well what movie would you like to see?” Kerry shrugged. “It’s your dream date, like I promised. I’m not backing out. I’ll do whatever you want.” “Well then, I want you to be completely honest and tell me what movie you really want to watch.” “That is not the movie I expected to see,” Danny Lyle admitted as he pushed the last of the popcorn into his mouth and reached for the DVD remote control. “I thought whatever it was would have big explosions in it?” Kerry was sprawled to the other end of the sofa, but she’d kicked her boots off and laid her feet across Danny’s lap. “Fake explosions?” she asked contemptuously. Danny snorted and reached for the movie carton. “Okay, I see how that would offend a pro, but…” “You asked me for the truth,” Kerry said. “This is a story about somebody who is willing to give up everything she’s ever known for love. To leave behind everything and to risk anything to make her dreams come true. And it’s about love being the most powerful thing in the universe. What’s wrong with a story like that.” Once again Danny felt his heart skip a beat. How did she do that to him? “And the singing crab has a great voice,” he admitted. “Yes. Of course, I could have gone with Beauty and the Beast instead. That’s about a girl who’s willing to give up everything, to give herself to this terrible creature to save someone she loves. But I thought that might be a little pointed, under the circumstances.” Danny threw the popcorn carton at her. “I’m ready,” Kerry told him. “You don’t need to do all this other stuff. You can have me. You know you can.” “You mean have sex with you, that kind of stuff? With accessories?” “You have accessories?” “I don’t like to boast.” “I said I’d do anything. I mean what I say.” She looked at Danny, lit there in the flickering light of his old TV set. “What do you want me to do first?” “I take it that was your first time?” Danny asked her afterwards. “Yes. I’ve never done that for a boy before.” “It was pretty good for a beginner. Better than I’d have expected.” “My sister told me how. At the time I thought it wasn’t something I’d have much use for.” “You were wrong. I really enjoyed it.” “I’m glad. Although surprised that’s what you wanted.” Danny Lyle shifted happily on the sofa. “Are you kidding? Corned beef hash is my absolute favourite.” Kerry looked at him, half-smiling half-frowning. “Are you making fun of me? Are you mocking my cookery? Just because I’m a beginner…” “No, honestly. I’m proud to be the first guy you ever cooked a meal for. It was so much better than having to order in.” “Really?” “Really. And I promise not to tell anyone what you did for me. A gentleman never tells.” “Good, because if this got back to the Juniors…” “Not a word. As far as anyone knows we grabbed a Happy Meal.” Kerry swallowed. “Okay. So we did the movie. We did the dinner. Now?” “Now,” sighed Danny, “I drive you home.” “What?” “C’mon. You didn’t really think I was going to make you do dirty stuff with me just because you made a dumb deal when your friends lives were in danger, did you? What kind of sleaze do you think I am?” “The male kind.” “Well, yeah. But a different male kind of sleaze, okay? Listen, Firecracker, I think you’re pretty special. You scare the hell out of me but you’re pretty special. I’m not going to ruin your life just because you made a promise to get me to do what I should have been doing all along anyway.” “But you didn’t have a problem letting me go all evening thinking you were going to take me to bed for your sick perverted sex games!” “Well nope. I kind of enjoyed that. Like you said, a male sleaze.” “I cooked for you! I let you into my dark secrets!” “And so you fulfilled your promise, Kerry. It was a dream date. I’ll never forget it, honestly. And your bargain is complete.” “Really?” “I’ll put it in writing if I have to. If I didn’t take advantage of you when you were all drugged up by Drugo what makes you think I’d take advantage when you were desperate to save your friends?” “You really are smart, aren’t you?” “Well, dumb was the word I was thinking of, but I like your word much better. Come on, I’ll get the bike started.” Kerry laced up her boots while Danny took the dinner plates into his tiny little kitchenette. His whole apartment only had two rooms and a half-bathroom. “It was a great evening,” Kerry admitted. “I didn’t known what to expect. But I never expected to enjoy it so much. And no explosions.” Danny took the matchstick from the corner of his mouth and looked at it carefully. It was useless unless you scraped its surface with something hard. “I have a confession,” he said. Kerry looked up in mid boot. “What?” Danny handed her the rental video they’d picked up on the way over. Then he pulled open a drawer in the cabinet beneath his TV and pulled out another copy of The Little Mermaid. Then he waited for her to laugh. She laughed. “You own this? You?” He handed her Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King. “Now you know.” He was surprised when Kerry threw her boot at him. “Well then, you idiot!” she called to him, “put one of them on!” “It doesn’t work like that in real life, of course,” Kerry told Danny as the closing credits scrolled up the screen. “Monsters into princes.” “No,” agreed Danny. “But then again, where are you going to find a girl dumb enough and brave enough to give up everything to save someone she cares about, to offer herself to the monster?” Kerry snuggled full length in the junction of Danny’s torso and the sofa back. “Ooh, you’re too smart for me.” “And you’re too beautiful,” Danny answered, drawing her lips down for a kiss. Eventually they had to break for air. “I’d like to think that I’m just beautiful enough,” Kerry corrected him. “Beautiful enough for me, Firecracker. And you’re even more beautiful naked.” “Is that why my blouse is mysteriously unbuttoned and my skirt’s on the floor?” “Well, those modern fabrics crease very easily. But that’s not what I meant. I’ve seen you with your clothes off. But tonight I think I’ve seen you naked.” Kerry blushed. “You have. And I think I’ve seen you.” “Well, it’s hard for a guy…” “For a guy?” Kerry giggled, her hand teasing. “Are you sure that’s why it’s hard?” “It’s hard for a guy to take off his image, I mean. When he wants to impress a girl, show that’s he’s cool. And being, y’know, a super-villain…” “Do you know how few people on this planet actually describe themselves as a super-villain by choice?” “It’s a family trait. I can only assume it’s genetic, given that I didn’t even know my father until I left St Jude’s Orphanage last year.” “So do you have to wear your underwear on the outside?” giggled Kerry, fumbling with buttons. “It’s so on the outside that it’s hanging on the line over the shower,” Danny warned her. “But you know that now, right?” “Yes. Yes I do,” the probability arsonist blushed. They kissed again, and let their hands do the talking for a while. “Just how smart are you, Danny Lyle?” Kerry demanded as she helped her date peel her shirt off. “I mean, here you are, the world’s biggest fan of Beauty and the Beast…” “I never said I was the world’s biggest fan,” Denial denied. “Oh, you are so busted now,” Kerry warned him with a victorious grin. “You can’t deny that stuff now without using your powers. And you won’t use your powers on me.” “Says who?” “I know you won’t. I know you. So you’re the biggest B&B fan on the planet, and you know how that story goes. Beast doesn’t take advantage of Beauty. He lets her go. And then she comes back to him by her own choice.” “Romantic, isn’t it? But unrealistic.” “Really? And yet here I am. I don’t owe you anything, yet…” “This has to count as our second date then, because I distinctly remember agreeing that the first one ended a couple of hours back.” “Well that’s good, because I wouldn’t want to be the kind of tramp that goes this far on a first date.” Danny’s shirt joined Kerry’s on the floor. “So did you just calculate the odds and figure you’d do better if I came to you of my own choice, Danny Lyle?” “Do I have to be naked?” the young man asked. “We both do.” “I can live with that. Truth is, Firecracker, yes, I worked out the probabilities. I have a knack for that. But…” “But?” “But to be honest I’d have done the same things anyway. Because it’s right.” “I thought you were a supervillain?” “Supervillains need a code of honour too, you know. All the best ones do anyhow.” “Is that why you didn’t lie to Young Heckfire about me to save yourself a whipping?” Kerry asked him. “I talked to Lindy.” “That’s all just part of the image. I have to be cool, right?” “I prefer hot anyway,” Kerry wriggled. “At least that’s my image. But you know that’s not all of me, don’t you? There’s more.” “Parts of you that you’ve always kept secret. I know that, Firecracker. I want to know all of them.” “Will you be naked with me, Danny?” “Depends.” “Depends? Depends on what?” “On whether… whether I can find the guts to say what I need to say now.” “What do you need to say now.” “The three most uncool words on the planet. But honest. Naked.” “Whisper them.” Danny whispered them. “Those are not uncool words, Danny Lyle,” Kerry told him, her eyes a little misty. “Those are in fact the three coolest words in the universe!” And then there were explosions. “Kerry,” called Visionary, as the Juniors were streaming out of the classroom at Paradopolis U. “I need to talk to you. I’m not comfortable. About this Danny character auditing the Juniors’ classes, I mean.” “Hey, he’s just a guy. What’s the problem.” “You’re the problem, Kerry. I mean, it’s my job to look after you. And I don’t trust that Lyle kid one bit.” “I trust him.” “He worries me. You worry me. What was that comment you made a while back, about being a ‘technical virgin’? What’s a ‘technical virgin’?” “Aw, don’t worry about it, Fake-o, I was just mouthing.” She grinned at the possibly-fake man. “Relax. I’m not a technical virgin, okay?” “Well okay,” said Visionary, relieved, as Kerry left the classroom to join Danny and the others. Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2006 reserved by Sarah Shepherdson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2006 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Sarah Shepherdson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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